Once
the staple diet of dowdy anglers perched upon the banks of Manchester's Ship canal, a fishermen's friend-style snack made from real fish, Colin's Cod Pieces, had
become undesirably trendy, due to a series of suggestive seafaring advertisements which contained lewd references
to climbing "sticky mastpoles".
Worried
about puns being made of his surname, homophobic killjoy "Prime Minister Colin Greasepole" set out to sabotage the manufacturers
of the tangy snack, leading to massive job losses at Manchester's last remaining blue collar employer.
A general
election approaching, poll ratings were at their lowest, the sudden increase in Northern unemployment made Greasepole's re-election,
very unlikely.
Having
tried every diversionary tactic in the book, to deflect public attention away from the prime minister's double-dealing, including
the reinstigation of regionalistic rivalry in the form of a state-sponsored neo-fascist revival of the Wars Of The Roses,
the unpopular leader sought the loyal assistance of his employment
minister Louise MacArthur, to increase his personal poll ratings by scapegoating the most poignant of targets: -
Manchester's unemployed......
To break the resolve of "the underclass", a brand new Supajobcentre is opened in Central Manchester, built on
the site of the Peterloo Massacre, complete with an S&M-themed "Fraudulent Claims Dungeon".
A vast
array of vicious resolve-breaking training schemes introduced to break the resolve of the underclass, and appease
the totalitarian longings of bloodthirsty antipodean media mogul Hack, including a
24-hour "reality telly jobclub"called Jobclub Live , and a "speed tourture night", couldn't reverse the flagging
fortunes of a grossly unpopular government.
Scapegoating
Manchester's jobless as workshy shirkers, wasn't enough to get him re-elected, so the campaign to get the laid off fish
snack workers shoved into call centres, mutated into a puritanical outright war against personal
slothfulness.
The "Crusade Against Idleness" was thus unleashed upon the British public, with secret service agents
Charley and Delta intruding upon the nation's living rooms, in search of "idleness assault courses" secretly run by mythical
antihero Stevey Slouch, somewhere along the "Equator of Inactivity".
The
patriotic defence of the work ethic fades into a haze of drug-fuelled
desperation when the planned royal wedding between Prince Anthony and Countess Von Skidmarck of Germany, hits the
rocks. The crown prince running off with a single mother on benefits, Greasepole
seeks the assistance of a slimily Paganistic secret society, to help work a miracle, the "Order Of The Slug".
Immortality
would be his - he would rule the nation forevermore, if he could manage to undertake an ancient
fertility rite on Midsummer's Eve. Bringing pleasure
to a living, breathing human being, would be difficult for such an
unadorable, self-centred misogynist.
The unexpected
arrival of the droogs from Clockwork Orange during a state-sponsored international bioweapons fayre taking place
in Manchester's flagship jobcentre, ultimately spells disaster, as our satirical tale of totalitarian misrule reaches its
grotesque climax.
Teeming with cringemaking songs, political commentary, and outrageous absurdity, our allegorical
yet non-preachy tale of betrayal, revenge, and exploding heads, will bring a chill to even the most seasoned horror buffs.
